


From Here on Out

by Loth-Cat (Starbird)



Series: Just This Night [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Back to the UST Again, Even Though I Ditched the Other Piece Because of the Heavy Angst, F/M, I Know the Summary is Scary but I Promise It'll Be All Right, M/M, Rating to Change, The Sabezra Playlist, Well I Guess This is Going to be Pretty Angsty Initially, more tags to come, the angst is strong with this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-19 22:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22938691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbird/pseuds/Loth-Cat
Summary: Reunited after 5 ½ years apart, Sabine and Ezra work to get back to where they were before. It isn’t an easy road…especially with one major problem in the way: Ursa Wren arranged a marriage for Sabine shortly after the Battle of Hoth, and Sabine has not yet found a way to get out of it. And on Mandalore, unfaithfulness is punishable by death. Ezra, meanwhile, isn’t sure how he feels about being back with the now New Republic. After years of being gone and eschewing the Force to keep himself hidden, he doesn’t know that he wants to go back to the way things used to be.**ON HOLD 10/12/20**
Relationships: Alrich Wren/Ursa Wren, Ezra Bridger/Sabine Wren, Tristan Wren/OMC
Series: Just This Night [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1327550
Comments: 79
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooooo. So, finally, after six months of starting this piece, I am posting it. I still don't really like the writing of the first chapter, but I've looked at it approximately 100 times, and I can't seem to fix it. I kept playing around with the idea of somehow incorporating this into "Already Home," but I couldn't make that work. So, that piece is just going to continue to be defunct. I know a lot of people liked it, though, so I might reuse some of the ideas in it -- in particular, Ezra's reaction to being back with the New Republic. I wanted to keep angst to a minimum, but then I had this idea about Ursa arranging this marriage for Sabine, because she wants her grandkids, dammit, and she wants to unite clans, dammit, and also, _if you do find that Bridger boy, I do not want you guys together._ (A mom always knows.) I also had trouble coming up with an overarching plot of this -- which was the same problem I had with "Already Home." As of now (posting the new work), I am planning on just making this a story about them getting back together and not really having a big, huge plot about chasing the bad guys, etc. I mean, the Empire collapsed, so...it's a little more difficult! But we'll see. I know the other work said they were supposed to "ferret out an Imperial mole," so maybe I'll work that in. Idk. 🤷 Anyway, thanks for following this teeny!trilogy, and I hope you like this final piece! ❤

_Clear blue water  
High tide, came and brought you in  
And I could go on and on, on and on  
And I will_

_Skies grow darker, currents swept you out again  
And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone  
In silent screams, and wildest dreams  
I never dreamed of this_

_This love is good  
This love is bad  
This love is a life back from the dead  
These hands had to let it go free  
And this love came back to me_

_Your kiss, my cheek, I watched you leave  
Your smile, my ghost, I fell to my knees  
When you're young you just run  
But you come back to what you need _

~[“This Love,” Taylor Swift](https://youtu.be/r9VzPf8a4kI)

-Sabine-

It only happened once. But Sabine made sure it never happened again.

It was shortly before the Battle of Hoth. The Rebels had settled into their new frozen reality, and things were looking up for them. Hera, Zeb, Kallus, and Chopper were all on base at one time, so Sabine left her duties on Lothal and flew out to meet them. It was good, catching up with people. Seeing old friends. Watching the Rebellion thrive. But it was the first time she’d been on a Rebel base since before the Liberation of Lothal, and thinking about that made her melancholy. She thought about Ezra, as she always did, but it was worse here on Hoth, because it reminded her of Yavin 4, and what had happened there before they’d been pulled apart and he’d been literally flung to the far reaches of the known galaxy.

It was evening, and the heavy doors to the base had been sealed for the night. Sabine watched them close, breath rising in white plumes in front of her, trying not to think about Krownest. Trying not to think about her loneliness over the years. She’d never considered herself a sociable person or someone who needed companionship, but after joining the _Ghost_ crew, and then her family breaking up around her, she’d found she _wanted_ people around her sometimes. Her work on Lothal fulfilled her, but it was also a painful reminder of what wasn’t there.

Or rather, _who_.

Not a day went by that she didn’t think of him, and not once had guilt not followed that thought. Over and over she replayed the conversation where she’d broken things off with him, then all the heartache after that.

 _“We’ll talk again,”_ she’d told him. _“After your home is free.”_

It was stupid, she reflected often, that she didn’t realize then what his words to her had meant. _“I will always love you. No matter what.”_ She’d figured he was just telling her again. He liked to tell her. He’d been wanting to tell her for so long, and now he got to, whenever he liked. But before that day, he’d never said those words in that exact combination.

_He was telling her goodbye._

She hadn’t realized it then – _stupid!_ – but that was exactly what he’d been saying. She’d only figured it out when she was on the comm with him aboard the _Chimaera_ , facing Thrawn down, begging him to _get out of there_.

He refused to leave. No matter what she said. No matter how she pleaded. All his hints from the past couple months came rushing back, all his words, that sense she always got that he was hiding something from her.

She heard him cry out as he was shot.

Then she saw it: the entire Seventh Fleet leapt into hyperspace with the purrgil, taking him with them.

Their bond cut off sharply in her mind, and he was just…gone.

* * *

_“I’m sorry, Ezra.”_

_“No. No, no. Don’t. Please don’t.”_

He’d begged. He’d _begged_ her not to do it, not to end things with him. Even though both of them lacked experience with romantic relationships, he’d known exactly where she was headed with the conversation as soon as she started it. Maybe it was his intuition, maybe it was the Force, maybe all people were just programmed to know when others were about to cut their heart out. Because that was what she had done, really. He’d taken it well in the ensuing days, returning to their previous relationship quicker than she had thought he would.

Even though they’d gotten back together quickly, it killed her now, knowing what she’d done, and how little time they had had left before he vanished in front of her eyes.

_The Force will be with you. Always._

_I know I can always count on you._

Had he known then what would happen? Had he sensed it? Probably. He must have. When Sabine thought back over the conversations they’d had about the future, he’d always been vague. Careful. Maybe he hadn’t known the extent of it, but he’d known they would be parted. And yet he never let on, never tried to convince her to take him back before she was ready, even when he knew they would be apart. No, he respected her decision, even though she knew now how completely it must have wrecked him.

It had been three and a half years, and the guilt still felt as fresh as it had the day the purrgil had taken him away from her.

* * *

She’d run into Wedge in the hangar as she was about to head back to her temporary quarters. He was talking to one of the techs about the snowspeeders and the problems they were having adapting to the cold. The tech apparently didn’t give him an answer he liked, because Wedge shook his head in frustration and turned away. Sabine smiled when she saw him and raised her hand in greeting. He picked up his pace and jogged over to her.

“Sabine!” he said when he got to her, grabbing her in a hug. “I didn’t know you were on base. It’s good to see you.”

Sabine hugged him back, although she’d never been that comfortable with hugs. “I just got in this morning. My old crew is here, so I thought I’d swing by.”

Wedge nodded and rubbed his gloved hands together before pointlessly blowing into them. “It’s freezing here. Let’s get inside.”

They chatted as they walked, catching up with each other. It had been a couple years since they’d seen each other, and there was a lot of ground to cover. Mostly Sabine let Wedge do the talking, because for some reason, she didn’t want to share Lothal with him.

He had his own quarters, as afforded to him by his rank, and when Sabine commented on it, he shrugged it off.

“They just know they can’t put me with anyone else or I’ll make him work all the time,” Wedge said. Sabine rolled her eyes.

“Be proud of yourself, Wedge,” she said. “You’ve earned it. You deserved it. Not everyone takes down a Death Star every day.”

At this, his brown gaze slipped away from her face. “Well,” he murmured. “Almost.”

“Ah, details,” Sabine waved it off. “You still covered for Skywalker. It’s a big deal.”

“Thanks.” He didn’t sound like he meant it. She knew how he felt. “So, uh,” he said as he scratched the back of his neck, “you’ve been keeping busy?”

Sabine nodded. “Yeah, um, just trying to stay busy and do what I can. You know.”

Wedge nodded, too, still not looking at her. “Yeah, sure.”

They chatted a little more, but it had suddenly gotten awkward between them, and Sabine didn’t know why. In this silence, she ran the interaction over in her head, comparing it to everything else, trying to suss out the weirdness. It wasn’t _just_ that she sensed he maybe liked her more than she wanted him to…it was the gesture. When he’d nervously scratched at his neck. Ezra had always done that, rubbed the back of his neck, when he was nervous or felt awkward.

“I should let you get back,” Wedge said as he stood from his bunk.

“Yeah,” Sabine said, and waited for him to join her by the door. “This was good, though. Always good to see you. I’ll just…”

Wedge didn’t say anything cheesy. He didn’t try any smooth moves. Instead, he just leaned down and kissed her, and her brain took a second to process it, decided she was okay with it, and encouraged her to put her arms around his neck. He shifted closer to her, put his hands on her waist, and kissed her again. It was, she realized, quite a different kiss from Ezra’s. She wouldn’t have known the difference before, but Wedge, she could tell, had a lot more experience than either her or Ezra. Not that she thought he was the kind of guy who hooked up or had meaningless flings with anyone. He was very far away from that aspect of the pilot’s stereotype. What was different about him was that he had confidence, probably something that came with knowing one was good at physicality. She certainly wasn’t disappointed. It was an altogether different experience than kissing Ezra, with his fumbles and his flaws and his attempts to be way, way smoother than he actually was. He was unrefined in this way, still learning like she had been, and the amount of times they bumped noses or ending up coughing in the middle of a kiss was downright embarrassing.

But…they’d learned _together_. On each other. And had gone straight from first kiss to first time in only a matter of hours. While Wedge was a good kisser and an incredibly good person, something very key was missing. Sabine couldn’t just put Ezra out of her mind, couldn’t stop feeling like she was, in a weird way, being unfaithful to him and his memory.

Her mind felt empty, too. There was no Force connection buzzing in it, no vague feeling of his thoughts, emotions, and feelings washing toward her. It was just disturbingly quiet.

Wedge broke the kiss, but remained close to her. His hands stayed on her waist, heavy, reassuring, anchoring her when she felt a little lost. “Do you want to stay?” he murmured.

It was polite. It was said in a tone that indicated he would be fine with whatever the answer was, and he wouldn’t make it weird.

Sabine dropped her arms from around his neck. She felt flushed, and she hated herself for it. She hated herself for being tempted by the offer of companionship and of touch, something she’d gone long, long years without. She wished she could say yes and just let her mind forget reality for a night.

“You’re thinking about him,” Wedge said before she could answer. “Aren’t you?”

She caught the hint of disappointment and hurt in his voice. All Sabine could do was nod and hug herself, feeling chilled when she should have felt hot.

“Come here.” Wedge pulled her into his arms and rested his chin on her head. There was nothing romantic in this gesture; he was back to being her friend again. “I’m sorry.”

Sabine shook her head as her eyes became wet. “No. It’s okay. Don’t be.”

Wedge sighed and held her tighter. “You’re a good friend, Sabine. He’s lucky to have you.”

She huffed a sad, regretful laugh. “If only you knew how badly I’d screwed up.”

* * *

_You say that it's hard to commit to it  
You say that it's hard standing still  
Don't you know that I spend all my nights  
Counting backwards the days 'til I'm home? _

_When life takes its own course_   
_Sometimes we just don't get to choose_   
_I'd rather be there next to you_   
_Promise you'll wait for me, wait for me_   
_Wait 'til I'm home_

_All I have is this feeling inside of me  
The only thing I've ever known_

~[“Already Home,” A Great Big World](https://youtu.be/kz9UBfXmXsM)

-Ezra-

It had become a ritual, over time. His days were filled with keeping a low profile and just trying to survive, so he had little thought to spare during them for pleasant thoughts. But at night, by himself, looking up at the stars from the little place he’d made into his home and wondering where Sabine was, he allowed his mind to travel back in time to those precious few days together. He worked through every single memory, from the moment when she’d sought him out in Yavin 4’s jungle after their interrogation in Admiral Cassell’s prison, to that very last night before the Battle of Lothal. He sank deep into the memories, taking his time, exploring them, looking for things in them that he hadn’t seen before. It surprised him, years later, how clear they were, but then, he had carefully cherished them and cared for them, going over them again and again to be sure he remembered every little detail.

And every day, he reached out with the Force to see if he could sense her. But he didn’t. Not just yet.

_If something ever happens to me… Will you wait for me?_

_Of course._

Had she? He wondered every day if she had, wishing and hoping but knowing he would be okay, in the end, if she hadn’t. Years had gone by, and it was an awful lot to ask someone to wait for them for that amount of time, without a word or even the slightest hint that they were still alive.

He knew, though, that he could depend on her – _I know I can always count on you_ – so whenever that thought crept in, he resigned himself to wait another day, and another, until she found him. Because she would, he knew. It was only a matter of time.

Sabine would never let him down.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa Wren has plans for her daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK I UPDATED SUPER DUPER FAST. I want to get the ball rolling on this, and I know you guys wanted a quick update after I posted yesterday. I don't have terribly much written after this, as I'm still trying to figure it all out, but in the meantime, here's THE BIG THING. I don’t like Ursa, so this fic isn’t going to be super Ursa-friendly. I’m not going to go out of my way to make her look bad, but I’m certainly not going to do her any favors. I’m pro-Alrich, though.

-Sabine-

_3 ABY_

“Sabine, don’t you like your food?”

At the sound of her mother’s voice, Sabine looked up from her plate. “It’s fine, Mother. Thank you.”

Ursa looked displeased, fork hovering over her own dish. “You’re not eating. I had the kitchen prepare it specially for you.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been distracted.” She poked at the food on her plate. Yes, it was her favorite dish, but she just wasn’t hungry right now. The rebels had been defeated at Hoth and were running for their lives again, and being back on Krownest reminded her of that frigid place, reminded her of the kiss that shouldn’t have happened, reminded her of _why_ it had happened.

“It’s so rare you find time to come see us,” Ursa said. “We haven’t even seen you since Tristan’s wedding last year.”

“I said I’m sorry.” Sabine forked a bite of food into her mouth and forced herself to chew. It did taste delicious, but she had no appetite.

“It’s not a big deal, Mother, really,” Tristan said.

“I even bought you some new art supplies,” Ursa continued. “You still like the Mandalorian brand the best, right?”

“Sure, Mother.” Sabine spun her noodles around her fork, her cheek on her fist. She hadn’t painted with that garbage in years.

“All your work lately has been so depressing. So much blue. And your mood is downright sullen as well.” Ursa scoffed. “It’s like you’re pining for a long-lost love or something. Where’s my warrior?”

“Right here, Mother. Where I’ve always been.”

“Then why won’t you eat your food?”

“Because I’m not hungry, all right?!” Sabine snapped, pushing the plate away from her. Tristan and his husband, Gawain, looked at her in surprise. Embarrassed, she stood from the table, fists clenched. “I need to check on my ship. I should get back to the Lothal.”

“Please, Sabine,” Ursa implored. “We see you so little. And tonight is rather…a special event for the family.”

Sabine glanced around the table. Her father and brother had their heads down over their plates again, studiously avoiding eye contact. Sabine’s heart began to pick up speed.

“Mother, what is this about…?” she asked. At least Gawain looked as clueless as she felt.

“Your father and I have some very, very exciting news for you.” Ursa keyed her wrist comm. “Send him in.”

“Send _who_ in, Mother?” Sabine demanded.

Footsteps approached the hall, and she turned as the door opened. In walked one of the Wren staff, along with a handsome-ish man wearing the armor of Clan Hark.

Oh, this was not good. This was not good _at all_.

_“Mother – ”_

“Sabine, this is Zane Hark,” Ursa interrupted as she rose from the table. “We have arranged for you to marry him.”

* * *

Over an hour later, Sabine finally stopped shouting. Her mother would not be backing down, and that was final.

“But I just don’t _understand_ ,” Sabine said as they stood outside on the balcony, cold air whipping around them. “I don’t _need_ to get married. I’m not even here all that often.”

“Dear, I want grandchildren,” Ursa said. “I want the Wren clan to continue.”

Sabine gestured inside, not that this argument was going to do anything. It hadn’t for the last hour. “You’ve got Tristan.”

Ursa smiled benevolently, like Sabine was just so stupid and could not comprehend. “But that child won’t be a _real_ Wren, will he or she? It will be an orphan from a clan we know nothing about. They could have weaknesses we’ll never know about until it’s too late. They could let us down. We need strong leaders.”

 _“Mother,”_ Sabine scolded, appalled by this outdated thinking. “That child deserves a home. Tristan and Gawain will make great parents. Ezra was – ” She stopped, suddenly choking up on emotions. If she married, there would be _no chance_ for them, even if she _did_ ever find him, if he was still alive. Adultery was punishable on Mandalore by death. Sabine raised her chin and forced the tears back. “Ezra was an orphan. Did he not deserve a home with my crew?”

Ursa’s smile widened, and Sabine saw something creep into it that she did not like one bit. “He was a very kind boy, and maybe one day you’ll see him again, wherever he is, but… You know that was never going to work out, right, Sabine?”

Stung, Sabine drew back. “What?”

“I know you harbored some feelings for him. A mother knows these things. A mother also knows how smart and sensible her daughter is.” Ursa reached out and ran her hand over Sabine’s hair. “And my Sabine is nothing if not sensible.”

Furious, Sabine swatted her hand away. “Well, I already slept with him, so what are you going to do about _that_?”

The slap that stung Sabine’s cheek was both surprising and not. Sabine knew better than to talk back to her mother, no matter what her age. But she was livid, and she was _done_ with her mother’s antics.

A deep frown had crossed Ursa’s face. She looked like she was making a great effort to control herself. “Sabine,” she said. “You didn’t.”

“I did. More than once, too.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“It’s my body. I do what I want with it.”

Ursa angrily took a step toward her, but Sabine stood her ground. Her mother lowered her voice, as if there were anyone out here on this Force-forsaken iceball to hear this scandal. “Think of the risk you took. What could have happened. How horrible that would have been.”

Sabine scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Please, Mother.”

“Don’t you _please, Mother_ me, child. This is another reason I want you wedded to Hark. You will give me Wren grandchildren who are true Mandalorians. Not Jedi-Mandalorian…” She trailed off and shook her head, as if she couldn’t find the right insult. Then she took a deep breath and nodded. “This is a good thing. You will see, in time, that it is the right choice. You will. After all, adultery is punishable by death.”

_Don't take this the wrong way, you guys, but uh…Mandalorians are crazy._

_You were right on that one, Ezra._

Sabine crossed her arms and glared at her mother, anger simmering and mind working on overdrive trying to figure out a way to beat this. Her mother thought she’d won, but she hadn’t.

This wasn’t the end.

Not even close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NOTE 3/1/20** Forgot to mention that I'm working on some other stuff, too. I've got a oneshot going called "Surveillance" that is set in S2, when Sabine and Ezra are sort of becoming friends, but he still gets on her nerves. :P I'm also really excited about a multichap where Ezra gets "Force sickness" (something I made up) from an ysalamir on Myrkr. It's called "In Sickness and In Health," and I gotta admit, I love that title. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alrich comes to Sabine to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, inspired by previous comments. <3 I’m still working on replying to all of those. I’ve gotten pretty busy now that I’m in the process of querying my novel, plus work, plus life in general. But I’ll keep doing my best to give you guys content as quickly as possible. <3

-Sabine-

_Think of the clan, Sabine. Think of your family._

_Try to control yourself, dear. This is not very Mandalorian of you at all._

_It’s for your own good, Sabine._

Sitting on her bed, Sabine wiped her eyes. _No, Mother. It’s for_ yours _._

Clan Hark had been friendly enough with the Wrens for years. It was all political, of course, and Sabine didn’t care about them one way or another. They were pleasant, if aloof, when she had to interact with them, and that was it. Ursa, however, always wanted to get her hands on their land and her influence into their homes. Sabine wasn’t stupid; what better way than to wed her to their eligible twenty-nine-year-old son?

Sabine knew little of Zane Hark, except that he was as Mandalorian as they came. He made his family proud, his fighting skills were highly respected, etcetera. She didn’t need to know any more. Why he hadn’t been snatched up yet by another, equally eligible Mandalorian woman was a mystery Sabine didn’t care to solve. The answer could very well be that Ursa had planned this all along, and if that were the truth, Sabine didn’t want to know it.

 _I can run away,_ she thought. _Never come back here again. It won’t matter if I’m not here._

But that was a lie, and she knew it. The marriage would be legal and documented, so it didn’t matter where she went in the galaxy. It would always follow her.

_This is going to kill Ezra._

Standing, she started wrenching her armor off and flinging it around the room, angry at her people, her world, her customs, the injustice of it all. One of her gloves hit her stack of canvases leaning against the wall under the window, and she ground her teeth, chin trembling. Yanking out her knife, she stormed over to the paintings and thrust the blade through the heart of the first one, then jerked it downward. Canvas ripped over and over again as she destroyed the series she’d been working on for over a year. She didn’t care. It didn’t matter. She hated everything about herself and this place.

A knock came at the door. “Go away!” Sabine yelled over her shoulder.

“It’s Dad. Can we talk?”

Sabine didn’t reply, so Alrich opened the door. “Oh, Sabine,” he said softly when he saw the damage she’d done. “You worked so hard on that.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said as she got up and sat on her bed, her back to her father and her last tears trickling out.

“It _does_ matter.” Alrich entered the room and came around the bed to sit next to her. He put his hand on her back. “I tried to talk your mother out of it, but she wouldn’t listen.”

“You know Mom.”

“I know. She just wants what’s best – ”

Sabine’s head snapped toward him. “For me? Or for herself?”

Alrich looked away, pursing his lips. “There’s so little chance you’ll find him,” he said quietly. Sabine stood, letting his hand slip away.

“Enough of a chance that Mother is worried. How do the Harks feel about this?”

Alrich shrugged. “It makes sense.”

Which wasn’t an answer at all.

“I need to get packed,” Sabine said. “I’m leaving as soon as I can, and I’m not coming back unless I have to.”

“Think about how strange that’ll look,” Alrich said as Sabine began shoving her few travel items into her duffel bag. “I don’t want this any more than you do, but we _have_ to keep up appearances. You don’t have to spend any more time around him than you want.”

“Oh yeah?” Sabine shot back. “Mom wants grandkids. Children to carry on the Wren name. She doesn’t want them from Tristan.”

Alrich sighed. “I know.”

Sabine faced him, her airbrushes in her hand. “Don’t make me do this, Father. Please.”

He stood up from the bed and came toward her, reaching out to wrap her in a hug. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do,” he murmured.

Clutching him tight, Sabine whispered, “I don’t want to marry him.”

“I can’t get you out of that.” Alrich pulled back, his hands on her shoulders. “But I won’t make you do anything within the marriage that you don’t want to do.”

Sabine looked down, and she nodded. For now, that was the best she was going to get. **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up is Sabine and Ezra’s reunion, unless you guys want another scene between that and this. 😊
> 
> **Sneak Peek!**
> 
> “Ezra…” she said, glancing around the hut as he tidied here and there. “Why aren’t you using the Force?”  
> He set a cup in his small sink, then turned back to her. “I had to cut myself off from it to stay hidden. It wasn’t safe.”
> 
> “Completely?”
> 
> “As much as I could.”
> 
> When he started pulling over plates and going through his shelves of food, she realized the conversation was over. He wasn’t going to say any more about it.
> 
> He didn’t _want_ to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine and Ezra are reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/19/20: Idk why but I basically always headcanon that it takes Sabine and Ahsoka 5-6 months to find Ezra.
> 
> Last update on this was 3/320, and my last fic update in general was 10/4/20. It’s been a year, hasn’t it? I’ve had the first bit of this chapter written for a long time now, but have looked at it off and on since March. I can’t promise I’ll stay with this fic or finish anything or not bounce around. I’ve got half a dozen Sabezra WIPs, but I just can’t commit to anything regular right now, guys. Not till coronavirus is over and things are more stable. And even then…who knows what fresh hells await? 
> 
> TO RECAP since it's been so long: Ursa stuck Sabine in an arranged marriage to another Mando dude, with no way to get out of it. Alrich can't get her out of it, either.

_I wish I could touch you again  
I wish I could still call you friend  
I'd give anything_

_When someone said count your blessings now  
For they're long gone  
I guess I just didn't know how  
I was all wrong_

_They knew better  
Still you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew_

_I'll keep you locked in my head  
Until we meet again  
Until we_

_Until we meet again  
And I won't forget you, my friend  
What happened_

_If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
'Cause they're all wrong and_

_That last kiss  
I'll cherish  
Until we meet again  
And time makes_

_It harder  
I wish I could remember  
But I keep  
Your memory_

_You visit me in my sleep  
My darling  
Who knew_

~[“Who Knew,” P!nk](https://youtu.be/NJWIbIe0N90)

_-Sabine-_

_4.5 ABY_

When they found him, he was nearly unrecognizable.

It had taken six months, a lot of days in hyperspace, luck, and kindness from other sentients for them to track him down. But track him down they did, at a factory on a small planet that didn’t even have a name in the star charts, just coordinates. Sabine spent the morning scouring locations and coming up empty before she headed to what looked like a diner to get something to eat. She’d probably have to barter if they didn’t take credits.

For being a small world in the Unknown Regions, it was remarkably well-established. Their tech wasn’t very advanced, but they had developed a number of their own tools that she found quite impressive. She took a seat in a corner booth away from the dozen or so humans and aliens (of a species she didn’t recognize) patronizing the establishment, but they all stared at her anyway. After ten minutes of waiting and no one coming to take her order, she smoothly slid out of the booth and walked out into the center of the room.

“I’m here in peace,” she said, speaking slowly in case they weren’t fluent in Basic. “I’m looking for someone.”

She had just opened her mouth again to speak the same words in Rodian when an alien dashed through a swinging wooden door at the back of the restaurant, and came out a few moments later with a male human. He walked up to Sabine.

“Owner,” he said, and gestured around. “Restaurant.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Sabine said. “I think my friend is here. Can you help me?”

The man frowned. “Who friend?”

How, exactly, did one describe Ezra, in only a few words? “Black hair, blue eyes,” she started. Putting her fingers up to her cheek – her face being the only visible skin – she added, “Darker.” (The residents were much lighter than her and therefore definitely lighter than Ezra.) Then she took the first two fingers of her left hand and drew them back across her cheek. “Scars.” She dropped her hand. The owner watched her. “And kind. Very kind.”

He nodded. “We know friend. _Planetes._ The Wanderer.”

Sabine’s heart leapt. The man nodded to the side.

“I take you.”

He led her out of the front of the restaurant and back down the path she’d come. He walked along the main street, leading them out of town and toward a large, one-story building in the distance. A short five-minute walk later, they stood before the doors. The man nodded again.

“In there,” he said. “You find friend.”

“Thank you,” Sabine whispered, heart thudding and blood rushing in her ears. After all this time, all these months, all the stars and parsecs… _this was it_. “Thank you very much.”

For a moment, the man just studied her, eyes squinted. “He always say…someone come. But not friend.”

Sabine frowned at the man’s back as he turned and left, then shook her head. When she opened the door, the cacophony of machinery greeted her, and she looked around. She’d walked into a factory that had multiple levels, with a couple above her and a giant space below her, many stories down. The space between her and that was crisscrossed with cables and other pieces of machinery. Sabine peered down at the workers below, but they were too far down for her to make Ezra out. She could see the features on the ones above her, and she had already discarded them as not him.

A worker approached, holding a datapad with a hologram floating above it. “You,” he said. “Who? Why?”

Sabine answered simply: “The Wanderer.”

The man nodded, then turned and retreated the same way he’d come, leaving Sabine to follow. They took a turbolift down to what appeared to be the main floor. Workers busily assembled and packaged what looked like machine parts off a line. The foreman picked one, a complex circle, up from a belt.

“We do best,” he said proudly with a smile on his face. “On all Ypris.”

 _Ypris._ So that was the name of this planet.

Sabine smiled back, and then the foreman turned to the side and pointed down the line. “Him.”

Taking a deep breath, Sabine followed his finger, not knowing what to expect.

And then she saw him.

And her heart nearly stopped in her chest.

He looked completely different, and yet, his movements were exactly the same. For a moment Sabine just watched him, the machinery clanking and grinding all around her, absorbing him, discarding every single thing in her mind that she’d rehearsed saying to him every single day for the five and a half long, long years that he’d been gone.

Suddenly, the foreman burst into rich laughter, shocking Sabine out of her shaky state.

“You watch or you go?” he asked jovially. Around him, the other workers looked up, and he glanced around at them. “This her,” he said. “This her. _Planetes!_ ” he shouted.

Ezra finally looked up from his work, and if she’d questioned before that it was him, she knew now once she saw those piercing blue eyes. His hair was longer and worn in their style, looking much the same as it had when she’d first met him. But he’d also let a beard grow out – which looked so ridiculous on him that Sabine let out a short laugh, overjoyed to see him still making poor hair choices. He put down the parts he was packing, and time slowed as he approached her. Her heart thundered as she waited, chest tight and breath hard to catch.

Then he was before her again for the first time in five and a half years, and he smiled. All he had to say was one word, and it was like she was home again:

“Hi.”

* * *

“This way,” Ezra said as he tugged on her hand to lead her up a steep slope. They were fifteen minutes away from the factory, outside town among tall, forested hills.

“Where are we going?” Sabine asked, so overwhelmed by it all. She tried not to notice his pronounced limp, but it was hard not to. What had happened? What battles had he fought to injure him that gravely, and to the point that he couldn’t be fixed?

“My home,” Ezra replied simply. He let go of her hand, and she followed him up the dusty path. They hadn’t spoken after leaving the factory, and it was weird and not what Sabine expected in the slightest. But she wasn’t sure, what, exactly, she _had_ expected. Throwing their arms around one another in a huge hug? A kiss? None of that made sense with the audience they had. She’d also thought he’d want to get off-world and blast away as soon as possible and go home, but instead…he didn’t seem in any hurry. At all.

“I don’t live in town, as you can see,” Ezra added. “It’s beautiful out here at night. The stars, the trees… I’ve wanted to show you so badly. I’m so glad you’re here now so you can see it.”

“Sure,” Sabine said, and swallowed past a dry throat. “I’m glad to _be_ here. I’m glad _you’re_ here.”

He smiled in acknowledgement but otherwise didn’t reply, until a heap of rocks around a bend blocked their path. “Ah, blast. Another rockslide. Help me out?”

Sabine frowned as she watched Ezra struggle to get the rocks out of the way. There was no one around, and furthermore, they were hidden in the trees. Why wasn’t he using the Force? Silently, she helped him clear a path.

Winded, Ezra brushed sweat off his brow. “I forgot how hard it is to move rocks,” he said with a short laugh. “My strength isn’t what it used to be.”

“Yeah, I…guess it wouldn’t be,” she said.

They continued walking, and a few minutes later, a little hut came into view. Sabine looked around the area and took in the signs of home. He’d been living here awhile, it seemed.

“Welcome,” Ezra said as he ushered her through the door. “All the comforts of home.”

“Looks cozy,” she responded distractedly, because there was another thing that was bothering her:

Their bond.

She couldn’t feel it anymore.

And earlier, when he’d move the rocks, he hadn’t used the Force, which bothered her maybe more than it should. After all, it was his business what he did with it. But Ezra had also stumbled over a rock in their path afterward and barely caught his balance. This wasn’t like him at _all_. It was like…like he didn’t have the Force anymore.

Was that even possible?

“Ezra…” Sabine said, glancing around the hut as he tidied here and there. “Why aren’t you using the Force?”

Ezra set a cup in his small sink, then turned back to her. “I had to cut myself off from it to stay hidden,” he said casually, as if they were two normal people discussing the weather, not two child soldiers talking about the fact that he was a real-life superhero with actual superpowers. “It wasn’t safe.”

“Completely?”

“As much as I could.”

It struck Sabine then that she’d only known Ezra as a crewmember for four years. Which meant it was possible that he’d been not using the Force longer than he’d been using it. At any rate, he used it way less in his life than a normal Jedi, even when he was practicing daily.

When Ezra started pulling over plates and going through his shelves of food, Sabine realized the conversation was over. He wasn’t going to say any more about it.

He didn’t _want_ to.

“Do you want some dinner?” Ezra asked. “It’s not much, but I can get a fire going.”

“No, I ate at a diner in town,” Sabine said. Ezra brightened.

At least he’d stayed highly interested in food.

“Oh, was it Herk’s?” he asked. “That place is _good_.”

“No, it was…I don’t know,” she conceded, distracted again because that name sounded _way_ too close to Hark. While she’d only seen her…husband…approximately three times since their wedding, it was still three times too much. In the last six months she’d tried to come up with words to explain the situation to Ezra, but she couldn’t find any. How was she supposed to tell him all chance for them was gone, and they could never be more than friends again? Never kiss again? Never make love again?

Seeing him again, seeing him carefree, seeing that stupid beard on him that was so unflattering that she was half-tempted to take her knife out and shave it off him right now, she couldn’t bear to tell him. He looked so… _happy_. He’d aged, same as she had, but a lot of the worry was gone. His face didn’t show the signs of strain and stress that she was used to seeing from him.

“We can leave any time you’re ready,” Sabine said. “Where’s your bag? I can help you pack. You can shave on the ship.”

Ezra stopped what he was doing, in the middle of opening cans over a bowl. He looked…of all things…puzzled. Sabine kept her eyes firmly on his face, because seeing him struggle with the rudimentary can opener made her heart hurt too much. Was this all a result of him getting shot on the _Chimaera_? She’d heard the blaster bold and his cry, but she’d never known the location.

“I was thinking…” he started, his voice tight, “you haven’t seen a night here. It’s really beautiful. Did I say that before? There’s an art school here, too, I mean, nothing serious, but they use a lot of, um, what did you call it, pastels, oil pastels, I think, and watercolors. Kind of surprising given there’s no water, right?” He gave a short laugh at the bad joke, while Sabine frowned. He wasn’t…he couldn’t be saying…? But then he looked over at her again, his eyes hopeful, and her heart plummeted to her feet. “You could stay,” he said quietly. “You’d like it here. It’s…it’s nice.”

Sabine’s jaw dropped. “ _Stay?_ I don’t understand.”

“It’s really pretty – ”

“I don’t give a fuck how pretty it is,” she cut in. “Ahsoka and I just spent the last six months looking for you, after five years of you being gone. What are you…?” Then she got it, and she sucked in a breath. “You don’t _want_ to come back.”

“What’s the point, Sabine?” he snapped, suddenly flaring up and hurling the can opener at the ground in a petulant tantrum she hadn’t seen from him since he was sixteen. “No, I don’t. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to be special anymore. I don’t want…” He took a breath, turning fully toward her, fists clenched, and in his eyes she saw the Ezra after Malachor. She drew back, stunned at this change. “I don’t _want_ to be a Jedi anymore. I’ve done my part. I just want to be left alone.”

Oh, no. No, no. She was _not_ going to deal with this. She _couldn’t_ and she _wouldn’t_.

“Fine!” she threw back. “Stay here, then, on this Force-forsaken backwater dustball. I refuse to. Either you come with me, or I’m leaving you behind.”

Furious, she stormed out of the hut into the open air, her chest heaving and her eyes burning as she tried to catch her breath. The audacity of him. How _could_ he??

“Sabine, wait,” Ezra called from behind her, following her out. She was tempted to keep going, but she knew that would just be childish. So she stopped and waited for him, part of her feeling horrible to see him handicapped with a limp, and part of her angry at him for it. For being _weak_. For being _damaged_. For being _less than_.

She immediately hated herself, and the guilt that suffused her took away felt worse than the anger.

“That’s not what I meant,” Ezra said, but that just made her scowl.

“It _is_ what you meant,” Sabine replied acidly. “It’s every _bit_ what you meant.”

“Surely you can understand,” he continued. “It’s just all been so… _much_. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I _can’t_.”

Full of rage, wishing he would come to his senses, be himself again, Sabine completely lost her temper and took a swing at him. His arm snapped up, lightning-fast, and he caught her fist in his hand. Those reflexes only came from the Force.

“See?” Sabine said, her voice coming out barely above a whisper. “You can’t change who you are.”

Scowling, Ezra shoved her hand away. “But I can be who I want,” he replied. “And out here, I am.”

Sabine slowly shook her head, floored by this change in him. This was _not_ what she expected.

Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cool fact: the word “planet(s)” comes from the Ancient Greek planetes, meaning “wanderer.” 😊


End file.
